The end.

Okay, I don't really hate everything.

Wow.

Maybe I just hate myself.

No, what I really need, when I get like this, is a friend who will be the support to me that I am to everyone else. But there are very few who will really stick with me, who will help me when I need it and let me help them when they need it and be normal the rest of the time and let me be normal the rest of the time. The trouble is that I like to be strong... stronger than those around me... too strong to let them hurt me. And most people accept that image of me because it's easy. Then when I have a hard time, they won't just let me be. They try to tell me what to do, to control my actions, my emotions. It doesn't give me the safety that I want. Tonight I have no safe place to fall. I really just want to be alone in my room, to turn on my music and sing and color. But my roommate is sick... yet again... and I will retreat to a different sanctuary that I can in no way call my own.

In a way I hope that nobody will read this... that because it is an old post, you will overlook it completely. At the same time, I want a friend who will do whatever it takes to be my friend.

I suppose it doesn't really matter. I will feel better tomorrow. In a few months, I will move on with my life with a new purpose and direction. We have all changed. We will all continue to change. I walk down my own path, now. I have decided which direction I will travel in, and I take joy in that knowledge and in the journey. I wish you all the peace and joy and happiness you deserve.