See, I really just don't want to get locked into anything. I got the brilliant idea, a couple days ago, of getting into ESL teaching. I've always loved the english language... sentence diagramming just makes me happy. And I love to teach. There are few things as thrilling as watching your student understand and apply the things you have taught them. But as I look at the things I would have to do... I just don't want to get locked into anything that would determine what I do for the rest of my life. Ick! And that's true with anything. For goodness' sake, ESL teaching would allow me to travel wherever I want to go, and give me relative freedom to do anything I desire to do. I suppose I should just bite the bullet and make a decision, but I'm just afraid I'll end up hating whatever I choose.

Are you ever really locked into doing something for the rest of your life?

No. But doesn't it feel like that to you sometimes? What if you suddenly decided you wanted to do something other than computer programming? Would you actually do it? Would you change your vocation, years of training, thousands of dollars, to do something else with your life?

I suppose I would. And the money wouldn't really be wasted, nor would the training. One thing I have noticed is that we use everything we have learned in one way or another. The problem, then is sticking to what I've chosen. There are not many choices I have made in my life that I have truly stuck with. And since I like to be right, I am hesitant to make that kind of a decision. I have hestitated long enough. I'm tired of it. It is time, once again, to make a decision.

Gah! I have been through all this before! I just... I start to do something, to go down a road in my life, only to discover that I don't like the road at all, and if I don't like the road, then who's to say that I'll like the outcome?

But wait a moment... I have taught. I like to teach. I know this for a fact. Yes, I get tired of it sometimes, but I'm good at it. I can make a difference when I teach. Perhaps I won't like the road, but I can do some good in the end.

This is a matter that requires more prayer. :)

Well, I've been dealing with indecision and life decisions a lot recently. I've come to the conclusion that you'll know what's right when you're good and ready to choose it. In the meantime, indecision can be the most painful thing in the world. I've also concluded that you can't make life decisions that are dependant on other people because other people never do what you want them to. Always make your decisions for the right reasons and be honest to yourself about what they are. That's my two cents.

Honestly, for myself, this is what I know: I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing right now. I am at BYU (well, in the same vicinity, at any rate), working a job that I love and that is preparing me for my other tasks in life, and learning to serve God in the ways that He would have me serve.

What is disheartening, though, is the fact that I need to get an education, but seem unable to make myself do it.

I do have a tendency to fight against anything formulaic, and I have the intelligence needed to learn for myself, without the school system. It's a sticky situation, though.

It is difficult to make decisions completely independent of others, especially when you come to rely on them. We are supposed to help and support one another, to make and to have friends. It is difficult to do what you must when you know that what you do will affect those you care about.

In a similar vein to Hilton, nobody can tell you what is right or wrong for you. Sometimes you just have to keep going with what you are doing because you see no reason to change. That's how I ended up in electrical engineering, and staying. Though I would be inclined to think there is something else to the problem of not staying with any one thing...

Asking in prayer is never a wrong answer, but it might easily be that the response is to figure it out for yourself. It's possible there is no "wrong" answer and that whatever you choose will be fine.

You can always try something else if what you're doing doesn't seem to be suiting you, but money is hardly the thing you should dread losing. It's time. While you can back out of any "wrong" path, every time you do that comes with the sacrifice of time to do so.

And yet, all we really have is time. We can learn from every experience we have, and as long as we learn something, the time is not wasted.